01Oct14 0645hrs, Sanjivaiah Park, Necklace Road, Hyderabad
I was in the final rep of exercises when during the course of a full body stretch, I felt a sharp stab of pain and looked down to see my left knee cap displaced…….Jesus I cried out to myself as I yelled out load in pain, now you have gone and done it!
First Thoughts
This is not too bad, I thought as my companions straightened out the leg and the knee cap slid back smoothly into place. The pain now is a dull throb, but any effort to put weight on my left leg results in a sharp stab of pain. After getting my shoes off, it looks like my ankle’s twisted as well!
It still does not look too bad, as I am helped back to the car and I insist on taking the wheel instead of letting one of my friends drive me home! Talk about optimism!! Fifteen seconds later I am getting in the back of the car and am being driven home….
An hour later as the swelling in the ankle grows I realise a doctor is required.
She confirms that the ankle is broken and needs a plate and the knee needs a surgical brace!
The First Few Days
Behind the din of people constantly telling you, when are you going to act your 46 years, you need to get used to a few things when you are in plaster…
– The house becomes your own Parkour obstacle course to get around!
– Getting around the house is fun if you have a wheeled office chair !!
– The word toilet becomes a 6 letter word in the true 4 letter sense!!!
– In case you are hyperactive and have a habit of spinning like a top, spin in your chair instead!!!!
– All your well-wishers take fiendish pleasure in seeing you use a 80 year old’s walker!!!!!
– Mind always rules over matter……no matter what….practice it !!!!! !
The Hospital
Have you ever wondered how hospitals have a habit of adding 30 other maladies / issues concerning your health when all you want is to resolve the issue of a broken ankle! All I want is a frikkin plate maan to get on with my life, why do I need a battery of tests that not only cost an arm and my good leg and take up the better part of a week.
The smell of antiseptic and the glaring white light are over-powering….
Note to self : In future use quacks instead !
The Surgery
So you check into the Hospital / Cage the night before and have your first taste of cold crappy hospital food. The rice too grainy, the chappati like cardboard and curries a dazzling array of culinary brilliance that I find even looking at them a crime….
At half past ten in the night a barber comes in and shaves my left left leg until the top of the existing cast. When I look down I get a surprise, with legs like these could easily have made a name on the catwalk!
Note to self : Next time make sure you make the right career choices.
The surgery itself is done with a local anesthetic and is uneventful.
The eventful part starts now, the anesthetic when it is given acts rapidly and in under 5 minutes I have no feeling waist down. This is an out of body experience as for the first time, the brain is sending out impulses your body is not obeying.
I need to pee, Jesus I am bursting…..brain is shooting out impulses thicker than anti aircraft fire…..bladder says get lost I am sleeping, am reminded of the asshole being the most important organ of the body joke!
And when the anesthetic wears off, it’s like the Bhakra Nagal Dam bursting. All this gurgles into the pisspot…..
The new cast is a lot smaller and lighter than the previous one, so now my left leg looks like a patch rug of hairy and non hairy parts!!
Seriously doctors need to be aesthetics as well…..shaving only one leg and then that too is an incomplete job…maybe all medicine courses should have a compulsory cosmetic course as well!!!
The Recovery Commences
While you have been working on keeping yourself busy…
0400hrs – Awake….and sitting up like a Poltergiest as you had no exercise the day before
The rest of the day is a mix staring at the ceiling and counting the flies or there and abouts, reading whatever trash comes your way, of course the 6 letter word is always around to lighten the day……
So far it has been fun!!